Madame Ursula

January 15, 2011


The Astounding Madame Ursula washed and dried her breakfast dishes, stacking them in the kitchen dresser. She then retrieved Black Frank from his favourite spot on her comfortable chair.

“You’ve been a good cat,” she said scratching him under the chin, before scooting him out of door.

Madame Ursula paused to look at cards arranged on the table. She sighed and adjusted her scarf.

Leaving her hovel she locked the door and put out the wheelie bin (even though it was only Tuesday). Crossing the street to the bookies she was knocked down and killed by the number thirteen bus.



January 9, 2011


Meanwhile at Portland Municipal Sewage Works…

Gabe regarded the young engineer with contempt. He wore those fancy wire-frame glasses and a look of disgust which indicated that, unlike Gabe, he still had a sense of smell.

Both men looked across the vast pool of sewage which bubbled alarmingly.

“Levels of methane have increased over 300%,” said the engineer, “I blame those new mung bean cereal bars. Have you tried them? They’re delicious.”

Gabe retrieved the cigarette from behind his ear.

“You won’t catch me eating that muck,” he growled and lit his cigarette.

The subsequent fireball was visible from Seattle.